A lot of us are running with a story (beliefs that we repeatedly tell ourselves) of blame towards our mother, father, and/or guardians.
We think, "If my mother would have loved me the way she should have, or if my father was there like he was supposed to be, I wouldn't be going through what I’m go through. My life would be better. I would be a better person if they had raised me right...” and while there can absolutely be truth to that, we must stop letting this excuse be the explanation for the quality of our present adult life.
Don't get me wrong, parents/guardians should raise their child(ren) through Divinities love, and when a parent neglects this responsibility, the child suffers.
I understand the resentment, the rage, and the brokenhearted-ness towards your parents when this happens - that during your most vulnerable years (childhood), you needed them and they let you down.
But, your life does not have to stay broken.
You can change your internal dialogue from, ‘I’ll always be this way because of what happen to me” to “I learn from what has happen to me to better myself and my life." From, “They should have done better” to “I accept that they did the best they could with what they knew.” One story empowers you and the other cripples you.
Then, you wonder why life doesn’t seem to be working out. It’s because you hold on to negative beliefs like a crutch! Blame is keeping you stuck! Wake up! Make the change. Be the one in your family that says 'it ends with me'. To transition from generational curses to generational blessings.
Understand that your parents are men and women on their own life journey that just so happen to be your mom and dad. They are people, first. That means they will make mistakes, mess up, fall short, and be imperfect. They will make decisions that reflect their heart, not your worthiness. In other words, it's not personal.
For example, my mother was super critical towards me. Shes always had something negative to say and often made remarks that were hurtful. I've learned over the years that she does this because she does it to herself. That's how her mother spoke to her. That's how she has learned to behave. Since I understand this, I can remove the narrative that it's personal and about me. Instead I see that is something she deeply struggles with. And with this perspective, I can drop the blame story of, "This is why my self-esteem is low." I can appropriately address these moments.
Understand that dropping blame also doesn't equate to 'letting it slide' or excusing dysfunction. Speak up. Set boundaries. Address things as they come.
Their decisions are not about you. Their decisions are about who they choose to be and the internal challenges they face.
Also when breaking free from the blame story, make a list of all the things you blame your parents/caregiver(s) for. List all of the things that would be different, had they been different. Look at that list and ask yourself, "How can I give this to myself?"
Let's say financial struggle is on that list. Your parents didn't give you the best tools. By dropping the blame, you can now focus on giving yourself those tools to create financial freedom. And how great is that!? You don't have to wait. You can have, do, and be what you wish.
Because the truth is, as long as you blame someone else, you delay your change. Blame keeps someone else responsible for something they cannot fix.
Now that we are adults, we have the power to change our story by dropping the blame that keeps us stuck. Shift your energy to becoming the example the little you need.
Light and Love,